We are getting ready to switch Tyler to a big boy bed. He’s only two but I think he’s ready. He loves our bed and is really excited about his big boy bed with the boats on it. I am hoping to have everything ready to make the transition this weekend. I was so caught up in the excitement of this big change for my little man that I didn’t realize getting him a big boy bed meant taking down his crib. I thought of this today and it brought tears to my eyes. It seems like yesterday, I was as big as a house cussing over the crib bumper trying to get it tied just right. I remember standing back and looking at our beautiful nursery with so much excitement. I had waited forever to become a Mommy and was so close to bringing our baby home and now 2 short years later we are getting ready to take down the crib.
I knew I wanted to be a mom for as long as I could remember. When Jim and I got pregnant with Tyler his son, Aaron was 11. Jim really didn’t want to have another child. I can’t say I really blame him, I don’t know that I would want to start all over again with an 11 year old. It’s a big adjustment. But Jim knew I wanted a baby and it wasn’t up for debate. So when we had Tyler I knew he would probably be my only child. I struggle with this a lot. Sometimes I am ok with it. I have one perfect little boy and I can devote all of my time to him but he’s growing up so fast it scares the crap out of me.
Before I had Tyler there were times were I wanted a baby so bad it hurt. Baby fever?? More like baby pains! That’s how I feel every time Tyler hits a monumental “grow up” moment. When we packed up his bouncy seat, when I stopped nursing, when he took his first steps…all of these times I had the baby pains. I can’t imagine never being pregnant again, never bringing home our little baby and getting to know them, never again creating that powerful mommy/baby bond. It makes me really sad. This big boy bed thing is hitting me harder than all the others. We are basically packing up his nursery and turning into a room for our growing toddler. I think the first night he spends in his big boy bed I will cry like a baby. It is such an astounding array of emotions when you are a parent, you can be excited, proud, happy, devastated and so sad all at the same time.
When I say to Jim that I want another baby he always responds the same way ” Are you crazy? Kids are so much work and they are so expensive!” I agree with him kids are expensive and work?? I have never worked as hard as I have since I became a mom. But I don’t see it as work the way he sees it. When I think of having more kids I think of all of the joy Tyler has brought to our lives, how ridiculously funny he is and how much wisdom he holds in that little body of his. He has taught me so much about love and life and what is really important. He has taught me to be selfless. I think of how he has made it ok for me to be silly again and has taught me to find the excitement in the little things. When people tell you about becoming a parent they tell you it’s exhausting (they are right) but do they tell you that your children end up teaching you more about life than you teach them? Having Tyler has made me a better person in every way. I am so grateful for that. So at the end of the day if he is the only child I have I consider myself the luckiest mom in the world. I have been blessed with the sweetest, most adorable little boy.
I think I will always ache for another child. I think even if I had 6 children I would ache for another as they grow up. That’s just how it is for me. It’s so hard to watch him grow so fast but he is growing up to be such a remarkable little man. I am so proud of him.
Most of the time when the baby ache is gone I realize that Jim is probably right. We have the perfect family just the way it is and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I will just have to learn to deal with the baby aches by borrowing friends babies. Those I can give back. 🙂