I never want to forget…

Last night, Tyler was sitting in his high chair having a snack and watching Dora. I love¬†listening to him because he answers the questions, sings the songs and just gets so excited. Last night they had 3 trees in a line, short, medium and tall, they asked which was the tallest and he pointed right to it. Little things like that make me feel so proud. He is learning so much and everyday he says or does something that shocks us. It’s amazing how many things your kids know and you have no idea how they learned it. I love this age. He’s like a little sponge. Everything you say gets repeated, which is sometimes cute and sometimes not. ūüôā Every day is an adventure.

Often he will do something and I think when did he grow up? I think I missed it. I think back to bringing my newborn baby home and there are so many things I don’t want to forget. I was thinking of doing a scrapbook of all the things I really want to remember.

I want to remember how when the moment¬†Tyler was born Jim said¬†” Awe, he’s so cute” and then took a picture of him to show me. I want to remember the moment in the car on the way home from the hospital when it hit me that we were taking our baby home. I remember thinking, “I can’t believe we have our baby in a car. What if we get in an accident?” It was at that point, I realized, I would never think about anything the same way again. I was a mom.

I don’t want to forget putting Tyler in his bassinet by our bed that first night and then laying in bed holding hands with Jim. I don’t think I had ever felt closer to him than I did at that moment. Whatever our first night alone with our baby brought us, we were in it together.

I never want to forget the little noise Tyler used to make when he sneezed. Every single time he sneezed and made the noise Jim and I would “Awe”. I am pretty sure Jim’s 11-year-old son, Aaron thought we were crazy, or at least annoying. I am sure I would have.

I don’t want to forget how Tyler called Aaron “Mmmm” until he was 2. We have no idea why.

I don’t want to forget the sound of his baby laugh, or the first time he smiled, crawled, or took his first steps.

There are a million things I don’t want to forget. I haven’t been all that good at keeping up with his baby book. I fill¬†it in but there isn’t space for the things I think are important to remember. At some point I need to make my own baby book and fill it with the things I want to remember. I want to be able to share it with him someday. I want to be able to look back on all of those things when he’s all grown up.

When you have a baby people are always telling you how fast it goes. But nothing could prepare you for really how fast it goes. They grow at lightening speed. I remind myself of that at times when I get irritated because I have heard the word Mom 350 times by 7:00am. I remind myself when I am tired or really don’t want to play cars. I remind myself that right now I am everything to him but someday, sooner than I am ready for, he won’t need me as much as he does now. It helps me slow down and enjoy it. I know someday I will long for the sound of his little feet running down the hall.

“You will be his first kiss, his first love, his first friend. You are his momma and he is your whole world, he is your little boy.”


What is wrong with the world today?

I opened up my Facebook page this morning and¬†two news stories caught my attention. “4 month old baby raped to death” and “Men accused of sexually abusing cows”. Seriously? Really? What the hell?

I would like to know why, in this country, we make it ok for these freaks to keep doing this. Pedophiles, child molesters, kidnappers, murderers aren’t afraid to do what they do. What happens to them when they get caught? They wait in a cushy jail cell for a year or two while their lawyers try to get them off¬†by pleading insanity. If they actually are convicted most of them live out the rest of their lives with a bed, blankets,¬†three warm meals a day, a free gym membership, healthcare and dental. Hell that’s better than some people live! It’s the most ridiculous thing. If they manage to get the death penalty (which doesn’t happen often enough) then they usually still live out the rest of there lives in better conditions than some people except they are kept away from the general population, so they are safe from any actual punishment. And if they actually get the lethal injection we try to make it as painless as possible. I just don’t get it.

If I were homeless I would just commit a crime. Why not? That’s what our country shows people. What we need to do is stand up and say enough is enough. We need to make punishments actually fit the crime. We need to stop allowing child molesters and rapist plead insanity. I am sure they are all insane. You would have to be to do what they do¬†but I don’t really give¬†a damn. That’s not an excuse. There is no excuse!

We need to stand up for the people who really need support and that is the victims. We concentrate so much on the accused rights, what about the mother who had to bury her son or daughter? What about the woman who will never be the same? What about all the truly innocent people who are affected by these people’s heinous crimes? Maybe someone should start standing up for them.

There are so many things in our society that are so backwards. It makes no sense to me. I really wish we could find people to run this country who were truly looking out for our best interests and not their own. I don’t want to live in a world where you have to be afraid for your children. Not just afraid but terrified. I don’t want to look at the nice man who smiles at my son at the grocery store and wonder if he’s a kidnapper or pedophile. I want to be able to teach my child to be kind to people and not to fear them. Most of all I want to live in a country where the bad guy is afraid to be caught. I want justice.

I read an article in the newspaper this weekend about a murderer who was hanged in the Belleville square, a long time ago,¬†by a mob of people who had decided to take justice in their own hands. The point of the article was how horrible the whole thing was and it was horrible but you know what, I would rather see a hanging than what goes on today. I would rather see punishment. I would like for the bad guys to be afraid. I can’t imagine what will have to happen for things to change. I think the things that have happened are bad enough.

I guess instead we have to concentrate on being proactive and teaching our children to be aware. I don’t want to teach my child to be afraid but I will do everything I can to teach him to be strong enough to run away and scream if he ever feels unsafe. I will also look out for other children. I think us parents need to band together and keep an eye on the kids playing in our neighborhoods and parks. To many times people don’t want to get involved but sometimes getting involved can prevent something terrible from¬†happening. It’s worth going out on a limb to protect our children. We need to look out for each other. Maybe we can make the world a safer place.

Our innocent children…

Today is a sad day. Another innocent child taken from her family, abused and killed by a heartless monster. I can’t wrap my head around this. So many children are abused and murdered each day by strangers, family and even their parents. What does it say about the world today?

It’s such a different place than when I was kid, sometimes I wonder if part of the reason it’s so much worse now is because information is so much more readily available. Last night after that little girl was abducted her picture went viral all over the world. That would never have happened before Facebook and Twitter. I remember when Chasity Center was abducted. It was the first time I had ever heard of a child being taken, I was in grade school and I remember my mom crying when they found her body. I remember thinking that the world was scary then. I can’t imagine growing up now.

Back then we could play in our neighborhoods and ride our bikes. We all got the don’t talk to strangers lecture but it wasn’t like today. Even the thought of letting Tyler go outside by himself sets off panic in me. How do you teach your children to not be scared of the world when you are terrified?

Every where you turn a child is being abused.  Every time I hear about something like that I hug my child a little tighter as my heart breaks for the parents that suffer.

I hope little Hailey Owens family gets justice. I’m afraid it won’t be enough for them. Whatever happens to the monster who did this couldn’t be bad enough. I hope someone takes matters into their own hands since our justice system is far to kind. I will be holding my little one extra tight today and thinking of her family.

Valentines Day….

I love Valentines Day! I know people say Valentines Day is a commercial holiday, it means more when that special person shows you they love you on random days and I agree. But let’s face it, we all get busy with life and sometimes showing that person we love them isn’t as high up on the priority list as it should be. I think of Valentines Day as a reminder to do something special for the ones you love. And who doesn’t love a day full of flowers, candy and love notes?? It brings out the hopeless romantic in me!

I have to confess, I went a little overboard this year with Valentines for the kids at Tyler’s daycare but this is the first year he gets excited about stuff like that! I had so much fun doing it! Tyler is going to freak out when he sees the large stuffed minion he is getting. Good thing we are¬†giving the kids their¬†valentines tonight since we don’t have Aaron tomorrow because I would probably give in and give it to him early.


I had gotten¬†Jim a few little things and his yearly big bag full of candy but¬†I was trying to think of something special to do this year. I saw on Pinterest (what did we do before pinterest) a mason jar titled “Reasons I love you”, in it was candy and cut out hearts with the reasons written on them. I set out to do 50 reasons but ended up with 61. I wrote 50 on the original paper but when I was writing them on the hearts I kept thinking of more. I love this because writing them was like a reminder to myself of all the reasons I love him. I¬†am shocked I actually did this because¬†I am usually a Pinterest pinner and hardly ever a Pinterest doer. It turned out cute!


If everything goes well we should actually get to go out and celebrate this Valentines Day. We haven’t had a date night in a while and we are itching to get out kid free. I love our date nights, we don’t get enough of them.

Whether you love Valentines Day or not, I hope you have a FABULOUS Valentines Day!

“The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.” -Jalal ad-Din Rumi

Being “in love”….

“Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanos and then subsides.¬† You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because that is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second of every day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don’t blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being “in love”, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.”

Falling in love is one of the most powerful, exciting, and exilerating times two people can have together. It is an amazing feeling to¬†have your every thought consumed by another person. Learning about that person and spending hours and hours talking to each other. Falling in love is hopeful. Falling in love is passionate. But the all consuming feeling of falling in love is not one that lasts. You have to have a strong enough bond to love each other through real life. Because eventually you get comfortable with each other and you stop spending every second trying to impress each other. You see each other at your lowest of lows and it isn’t pretty or romantic. The challenge is to keep some of that romance and passion alive even when things become mundane and routine. It isn’t easy to find romance when you have kids, jobs, mortgage payments…etc.

One of the things I think it most important in¬†my relationship is keeping the romance alive. Our¬†“falling in love stage” was incredible. We fell so hard for each other and I have never felt¬†about anyone the way I feel about Jim. It was an incredible time. It’s¬†those memories I turn to when we have harder times. It reminds me of the things I love about him when they are a little harder to see.

Jim and I went through a lot of hard times, most of which were brought on ourselves, but we survived and are so much stronger because of it. We are both stubborn, pig headed, opinionated and we can have fights that would make your head spin. Sometimes we are not the best at being grateful for the little things we do for each other. We are essentially the same person in that we like our space and we don’t feel the need to talk everything to death. We can both be a little selfish and it can be hard to live with someone who is so much like you. But Jim and I have fun together, we take the time to be romantic. We take the time¬†for us¬†and that is why I think our relationship will last.¬† You go through your highs and your lows together and hopefully they make you stronger. Our past has made us stronger.

Relationships are so interesting. They are so complex and so different person to person. No one really knows what someone’s marriage or relationship is like unless you are in it. Relationships are forever changing and evolving, like people. I think to make a relationship last you have to take inventory at times of what’s going well and what isn’t. You have to work together to make your relationship better. But most of all you have to want to make your relationship better.

I know a lot of people who are going through hard times in their relationships. Some of those people will survive the hard times and work on the problems. Some of them are past that point and they will go their own ways. Neither path is an easy one. Both involve a lot of soul searching and hard work.

In the end you have to do what makes YOU happy. You are responsible for your own happiness and life is too short to be anything but happy.

Baby Fever…

We are getting ready to switch Tyler to a big boy bed. He’s only two but I think he’s ready. He loves our bed and is really excited about his big boy bed with the boats on it. I am hoping to have everything ready to make the transition this weekend. I was so caught up in the excitement of this big change for my little man that I didn’t realize getting him a big boy bed meant taking down his crib. I thought of this today and it brought tears to my eyes. It seems like yesterday, I was as big as a house cussing over the crib bumper trying to get it tied just right. I remember standing back and looking at our beautiful nursery with so much excitement. I had waited forever to become a Mommy and was so close to bringing our baby home and now 2 short years later we are getting ready to take down the crib.

I knew I wanted to be a mom for as long as I could remember. When Jim and I got pregnant with Tyler his son, Aaron¬†was 11. Jim really didn’t want to have another child. I can’t say I really blame him, I don’t know that I would want to start all over again with an 11 year old. It’s a big adjustment. But Jim knew I wanted a baby and it wasn’t up for debate. So when we had Tyler I knew he would probably be my only child. I struggle with this a lot. Sometimes I am ok with it. I have one perfect little boy and I can devote all of my time to him but he’s growing up so fast it scares the crap out of me.

Before I had Tyler there were times were I wanted a baby so bad it hurt. Baby fever?? More like baby pains! That’s how I feel every time Tyler hits a monumental “grow up” moment. When we packed up his bouncy seat, when I stopped nursing, when he took his first steps…all of these times¬†I had the baby pains. I can’t imagine never being¬†pregnant again, never bringing home our little baby and getting to know them, never again creating that powerful mommy/baby bond. It makes me really sad. This big boy bed thing is hitting me harder than all the others. We are basically packing up his nursery and turning into¬†a room for our growing toddler. I think the first night he spends in his big boy bed I will cry like a baby. It is such an astounding array of emotions when you are a parent, you can be excited, proud, happy, devastated and so sad all at the same time.

When I say to Jim that I want another baby he always responds the same way ” Are you crazy? Kids are so much work and they are so expensive!” I agree with him kids are expensive and work?? I have never worked¬†as hard as I have since I became a mom.¬† But I don’t see it as work the way he sees it. When I think of having more kids I think of all of the joy Tyler has brought to our lives, how ridiculously funny he is and how much wisdom he holds in that little body of his. He has taught me so much about love and life and what is really important. He has taught me to be selfless. I think of how he has made it ok for me to be silly again and has taught me¬†to find the excitement in the little things. When people tell you about becoming a parent they tell you it’s exhausting (they are right) but do they tell you that your children end up teaching you more about life than you teach them? Having Tyler has made me a better person in every way. I am so grateful for that. So at the end of the day if he is the only child I have I consider myself the luckiest mom in the world. I have been¬†blessed with the sweetest, most adorable little boy.

I think I will always ache for another child. I think even if I had 6 children I would ache for another as they grow up. That’s just how it is for me. It’s so hard to watch him grow so fast but he is growing up to be such¬†a remarkable little man.¬†I am so proud of him.

Most of the time when the baby ache is gone I realize that Jim is probably right.¬†We have the perfect family just the way it is and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. ¬†I will just have to learn to deal with the baby aches by borrowing friends babies. Those I can give back. ūüôā

Parenting theories….

Before I became a mom I had all kinds of theories about raising kids. Now that I have a child, I still have theories but they are a whole lot different than they were then. When I was younger I worked in daycare. I spent my day surrounded by 2 year olds and I thought that meant I was an expert. Now that I have a 2 year old I realize no one is an expert. It’s a whole different world being the parent. Never again will I look at a parent who’s child is having a complete meltdown in the middle of a grocery store with that look of disapproval. I have been there. It isn’t pretty. No matter how well behaved your child is there will come a time where their behavior makes you want to disappear into a hole in the floor. We live in a world where everyone wants to make it seem like they have it together at all times, that is impossible when you have a full time job and young children.

One of the hardest things when becoming a new parent for me was knowing which advise to follow. It can be very overwhelming. There are so many different opinions on everything baby related. Pacifier, no pacifier, swaddling, breast feeding, etc…..I finally figured out that it didn’t matter what “they” say is best, you have to do what works for you. Every baby is different and every parent is different. What works for one may not work for the other. And sometimes I wonder if “they” who say they know everything about babies have ever actually seen a baby. Tyler had colic and was a particularly difficult infant so I had a influx of advise and¬†I was grateful to everyone for it. I had no clue what I was doing. I wasn’t at all prepared for a baby that cried ALL THE TIME. But when it came down to it, I had to chose what advise to actually listen to and what advise to just smile and nod at. ūüôā

There are some things that I think are silly. Like people who say they never let their child watch TV. I am in no way saying sitting your child in front of a TV all day is the right thing to do. Children need to play and interact to learn. Plus, children are young for such a short time we parents should be soaking up every second we can. But, realistically we all live busy lives and having your child sit still for a 1/2 hour to watch a non-violent cartoon isn’t the worst thing in the world. One of my all time favorite things to do with Tyler is curl up in my bed and watch Disney movies. He is now at the age where he will sit a little longer. We never get to watch the whole movie but we watch pieces of it throughout the day or weekend. Now he will turn to me and say “Mom, bed” and we run into my room and curl up under the covers and snuggle. We laugh at the movies and I answer his questions and I love every single minute of it. His favorite movies are Toy Story, Shrek and currently Up. We have probably watched his favorite parts 300 times but it doesn’t bother me to watch the same parts over and over because he loves it and I get to snuggle which doesn’t happen that often with a busy 2 year old.

Here is my advise to new parents. Do what works for you and what works for your baby. Don’t worry about things like when they give up the bottle, or stop taking a pacifier, or when they take their first steps, say their first words, count to 10 or learn their ABC’s. Don’t rush the baby stage. Don’t be in a hurry for your baby to grow up. It happens too fast no matter what you do. Enjoy it. Do not listen to people who tell you not to hold your babies too much. Hold them all the time. Let your house get messy, let the dishes sit in the sink and do something silly with your child. Enjoy every minute of them being little. They grow like weeds right before your eyes. It makes you proud and sad all at the same time. Enjoy every minute.