We should really do something to stop our babies from growing up so fast!

As I write this, pitiful mommy tears are running down my face. Tyler used the potty today for the first time. He was so excited! I was am so excited for him. I screeched, jumped up and down, clapped my hands and called daddy and all the grandparents so he could tell them the good news. Then I put him down for a nap and I cried.

I am so sad. I shouldn’t be, I know. This is exciting. It’s the beginning of the end of diapers. That’s exciting stuff. Plus, he is growing up and he’s smart and sweet, seriously sweet, and so funny. I am so proud of him. But, Jim and I aren’t going to have any more children. So every time he does something monumental, I am both extremely proud and devastated, because in that moment I forget that I really don’t want to have any more babies and all I can think about is that I won’t have any more babies. It hits me that already Tyler never lets me carry him and he’s only going to get more independent as he gets older. And he’s getting older so unbelievably fast. It feels like I haven’t even fully taken in the fact that I am a mom to this sweet little boy and he’s already grown up. Learning to use the potty is one of the last things he will learn before is officially not a baby anymore. I need him to slow down. It’s not fair.

People told me before Tyler was born that it went by fast and to cherish every moment but this is ridiculous. They should be little longer. I don’t think anyone could have prepared me for truly how fast it goes.

I always knew I wanted to be a mom but I don’t think I had any idea what it really meant until I held Tyler in my arms. Maybe I didn’t even know then. I had no idea that it feels like your whole heart is this little person. I didn’t know that with every new thing they learn you feel excited, insanely proud and a little sad all at the same time. I didn’t understand that when my parents would say “this hurts me more than it hurts you” they really meant it.

I read a book once about a man who could feel other peoples feelings as though they were his own. I think that’s what it’s like to be a mom. We feel our kids happiness and our hearts break over their tears. We smile and cheer at the new things they learn and we hold back our tears because they are growing up so fast.

Even though I am sad that he’s growing up, I am also excited. Every day brings something new and as he gets older he develops more of his own personality. It’s so much fun to see what he’s going to do or hear what he has to say. My mom told me once that every age was her favorite. She would catch herself saying “this is my favorite age” and then the next year would come and that was her favorite. I would have to agree with her. Each age brings new things to learn and discover. I just have to remind myself of that when I get sad to see him growing up. I need to remind myself when I have to chose between doing the dishes or playing cars to leave the dishes in the sink and enjoy every moment that I can.

Everyone who has kids has some piece of advise they pass on to friends who are having babies. Mine is to hold them. Do not listen to people who tell you not to hold your babies too much. Hold them every chance you get, watch them sleep, smell their little heads, hold their bottles for them for as long as you can. Don’t push them to grow up. It’s ok if they don’t give up the bottle at a year old or they still take a pacifier. Let them be babies because whether you like it or not they grow up quickly enough on their own. Enjoy and cherish every minute.

I never want to forget…

Last night, Tyler was sitting in his high chair having a snack and watching Dora. I love listening to him because he answers the questions, sings the songs and just gets so excited. Last night they had 3 trees in a line, short, medium and tall, they asked which was the tallest and he pointed right to it. Little things like that make me feel so proud. He is learning so much and everyday he says or does something that shocks us. It’s amazing how many things your kids know and you have no idea how they learned it. I love this age. He’s like a little sponge. Everything you say gets repeated, which is sometimes cute and sometimes not. 🙂 Every day is an adventure.

Often he will do something and I think when did he grow up? I think I missed it. I think back to bringing my newborn baby home and there are so many things I don’t want to forget. I was thinking of doing a scrapbook of all the things I really want to remember.

I want to remember how when the moment Tyler was born Jim said ” Awe, he’s so cute” and then took a picture of him to show me. I want to remember the moment in the car on the way home from the hospital when it hit me that we were taking our baby home. I remember thinking, “I can’t believe we have our baby in a car. What if we get in an accident?” It was at that point, I realized, I would never think about anything the same way again. I was a mom.

I don’t want to forget putting Tyler in his bassinet by our bed that first night and then laying in bed holding hands with Jim. I don’t think I had ever felt closer to him than I did at that moment. Whatever our first night alone with our baby brought us, we were in it together.

I never want to forget the little noise Tyler used to make when he sneezed. Every single time he sneezed and made the noise Jim and I would “Awe”. I am pretty sure Jim’s 11-year-old son, Aaron thought we were crazy, or at least annoying. I am sure I would have.

I don’t want to forget how Tyler called Aaron “Mmmm” until he was 2. We have no idea why.

I don’t want to forget the sound of his baby laugh, or the first time he smiled, crawled, or took his first steps.

There are a million things I don’t want to forget. I haven’t been all that good at keeping up with his baby book. I fill it in but there isn’t space for the things I think are important to remember. At some point I need to make my own baby book and fill it with the things I want to remember. I want to be able to share it with him someday. I want to be able to look back on all of those things when he’s all grown up.

When you have a baby people are always telling you how fast it goes. But nothing could prepare you for really how fast it goes. They grow at lightening speed. I remind myself of that at times when I get irritated because I have heard the word Mom 350 times by 7:00am. I remind myself when I am tired or really don’t want to play cars. I remind myself that right now I am everything to him but someday, sooner than I am ready for, he won’t need me as much as he does now. It helps me slow down and enjoy it. I know someday I will long for the sound of his little feet running down the hall.

“You will be his first kiss, his first love, his first friend. You are his momma and he is your whole world, he is your little boy.”

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